Many people make the wrong assumption that conflict will collapse a relationship and so they attempt to avoid it like the plague. Many people also tend to close their eyes to conflict or a potential clash, thinking that if they don’t acknowledge it, it doesn’t exist. However, what many forget is that engaging in conflict doesn’t mean that a relationship is going to end. It’s avoiding the conflict that might. When it comes to relationships, no problem is really too small for acknowledgement. Here are some tips for a swift approach to conflict:
Work on listening skills: When it comes to conflict, communication is the key to resolution. Fully listening to your partner without only focusing on what they’ve done wrong is the foundation for good communication.
Shared problem solving: One must always consider the concerns behind a person’s perspective. They must lie out their concerns to brainstorm solutions together, instead of each partner arguing a point simultaneously. By listening to your partner’s concerns and attempting to be responsive, you are most likely able to come up with a whole new set of solutions.
Talking when calm: The atmosphere should be emotionally safe. In doing so, each person can lie out their ideas, feelings, and experience revolving around the conflict. They can then have a respectful conversation about it without the attachment of who may be right or wrong.
Create boundaries: It is okay to create boundaries about what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t. This could include rules like no cursing, physical interaction, or yelling and screaming. As soon as somebody goes out of bounds, the play should stop.
Apologizing: An apology can truly go a long way. Everybody makes mistakes and everybody should be ready to acknowledge that they had part in an argument that got out of hand.
The possibility of seeking counseling: Some couples may end up “stuck” on a particular conflict. If this happens, and one or both sides just don’t want to talk about it, a couple therapist may be in need. The sooner one receives help, the sooner you get to enjoy your relationship again.
There are actually benefits to conflict, on occasion. For instance, conflict can sometimes actually strengthen the relationship by increasing trust. Constructive fighting that occurs without boundaries and involve emotional expression can cause a lot of strength between a couple. You will also probably feel better once you leave off steam. Expressing your feelings is always a good way to release tension, anxiety, and stress. You may feel ‘unburdened’, ‘lighter’, or ‘like a weight is off your shoulders.’
Healthy and Unhealthy Ways of Managing and Resolving Conflict
- Unhealthy responses: An inability to recognize and respond to things that matter to the other party, explosive and angry reactions, withdrawal of love and causation of rejection, an inability to compromise or see the other side, and the fear of conflict or expectation of bad outcomes
- Healthy responses: The capacity to recognize and respond to things that matter to the other party, calm and respectful reactions, a readiness to forgive and forget, ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing, and a belief that facing conflict head on is the best thing for both sides
Conflict can be a good thing on occasion. In the end, a relationship may be strengthened even further than it was once before. Resolution can lead to many benefits when both sides are open and ready to listen!